A Desperate Road to Freedom Read online

  Tuesday, November 24th, 1863

  Missus Frost came round this afternoon after school, asking me if I had seen Amelia. Seems she’s missing, too, and Missus Frost knows we’re friends. Were friends, anyway. Now I feel guilty for being so mean to her. But I think I know where she might be. I’m going out to look for her.

  Later

  I found her, but we both had a terrible time. I thought she might have gone up to the rocks to watch for her daddy’s steamer. It’s a dreadful time to be climbing there, with the snow and all, but I figured she might just be worried enough to try it. I didn’t tell Mama what I was planning to do because it was already late and getting dark and I knew she probably wouldn’t let me, but nobody else knows where we climb, so I had to go. I shut Boze in a shed out back. He got right indignant about that and started in to whining, but I didn’t want him following me.

  It was hard getting through the snow at the bottom of the rocks, and the rocks were so slippery and wet I was thinking twice about climbing them. Then I heard a voice calling out. It was Amelia. She sounded weak and sort of hopeless. I called back as loud as I could, then started up. It was harder climbing than I’ve ever done, but I finally got up to where she was, and I saw what the trouble was. She had fallen in a crack and her foot was all twisted and stuck in it. When I got up to her she was shivering and crying and in a terrible state.

  “Oh, Julia May,” she cried, “thank goodness you’re here!”

  I had to calm her down some before I could even start to help her get her foot out. She was hanging onto me and crying and crying.

  “I just wanted to see if Daddy might be coming back into the harbour,” she kept saying, over and over. “I just wanted to know he got through the storm safe.”

  Finally we got her loose, but then her foot hurt so much she couldn’t put any weight on it. I had to half carry her back down. Didn’t know if I could do it, but then I remembered Thomas carrying that old man so far and I figured if he could do it, I could, too. My heart was in my mouth the whole way, though, I was so scared of us both falling, but finally we managed to get to the bottom and wouldn’t you know it, waiting down there was Boze. By that time it was pretty dark, but we know our way out of the bush. Besides, Boze knows the way even better. We just had to follow him.

  Got back to her house and there was a pile of people there who had been out looking for her, too. Her mother was so glad to see her she just hugged and hugged her. Missus Pearce didn’t hardly notice me at all. Everybody was so happy and excited, I just slipped away and came home without anybody noticing.

  Mama sure noticed when I came back, though. Seems Boze barked and howled up a storm after I left, and when she let him out he just lit off. Then she realized I wasn’t home. She and Papa asked around Missus Long’s and all the other cabins, looking for me, and they were about to make up a search party of their own when I arrived. Mama was fit to switch me for going off without telling anybody, but when I told them what happened, Papa saved my hide.

  “She’s back safe and sound,” he said. “And she found that little girl. Let her be.”

  Later

  We just heard that Captain Pearce’s boat made it into Collingwood safely. Seems he chose to ride the storm out on Nottawasaga Bay, which was the best thing to do.

  Wednesday, November 25th, 1863

  Amelia wasn’t at school today. Miss Wilson said she caught a chill yesterday.

  Thursday, November 26th, 1863

  Amelia is still not back at school.

  Friday, November 27th, 1863

  Amelia came back to school today. I was glad she wasn’t taken real sick. After school we went to sit down by the river on my tree, even though it was pretty cold. We had to talk.

  First off, Amelia started crying and apologizing for what her mother said, then she got into thanking me for finding her and getting her home. It all got complicated. Finally I said, “Let’s forget it. Let’s just be friends again.”

  She seemed happy about that. Asked me to go home with her for milk and cookies, but I could not do that. “We’ll be friends,” I said, “but I can’t go back to your house.”

  “Can’t you forget what my mother said?” she asked me, but I said I couldn’t.

  Then she said that a good Christian can forgive sins people do against them, and I said they could only forgive if the person who hurt them was sorry and apologized, and I didn’t see her mother doing that. In fact, she hadn’t even thanked me for bringing Amelia home. Then Amelia said I was being hard and cruel, and I said she didn’t understand anything, and she jumped down from the tree and ran home, and I ploughed through the snow back here, and we’re not speaking again.

  Monday, November 30th, 1863

  Mama saw an advertisement in the newspaper today for a sewing machine. She has always been handy with a needle and she thinks if she had a machine like that she could take in sewing instead of laundry. It would be a lot easier work and earn her more money, too. She cut out the advertisement and showed it to me, but it costs twelve dollars. She knows we can’t possibly afford it, but she says she’s going to try and start saving up for it. It hurts me to see how badly she wants that machine.

  December 1863

  Tuesday, December 1st, 1863

  A terrible thing! Noah was brought home from the lumber camp to Missus Long’s cabin — the one here in Owen Sound, not the one out at their farm. He’s been hurt bad. Cut his leg with an axe. Papa told me tonight. I’m going to go over to see him first thing after school tomorrow.

  Wednesday, December 2nd, 1863

  I couldn’t sleep for worrying about Noah last night. I’ve heard so many stories about men getting hurt bad in the lumber camps and even dying. I couldn’t wait to go see him after school, so I went over early this morning. He was lying on a straw pallet beside the hearth. One leg was all bandaged up, and even from the doorway I could see blood all dried up on the dressing. Noah was lying with his eyes closed when I got there, but he wasn’t sleeping. Missus Long told me in a whisper that he couldn’t sleep a wink, the pain was so bad. She went over and gave his shoulder a little squeeze, to tell him I was there. He opened his eyes then and looked at me and I’ve never seen anybody look so awful. His face was tight with pain. He tried to give me a smile, but it just came out a contortion. It was all I could do not to bust out crying.

  It got worse.

  Missus Long told me that the doctor at the camp had bandaged up his leg, but the men who carried him here told her the doctor said she had to change the dressing when Noah got here. She asked me to help.

  I held Noah’s hand while Missus Long unwrapped the bandages. She was as careful as could be, but even so Noah just screamed out. When I saw the wound, I near fainted. The doctor had said it wasn’t too bad and would heal, but it looked dreadful. It was red and puffy, and stitched together with what looked like thread. Right in the middle of his leg, just above the knee.

  Missus Long gave Noah a piece of leather and told him to bite down on it hard. I soon saw why. The doctor had sent her a bottle of carbolic acid and told her to wash the wound with it before she put a new dressing on. When she poured it over the wound Noah made the most horrible sound, even though his teeth were tightly closed around the leather strip. Tears just poured down his cheeks. He held my hand so hard it’s all bruised.

  When she had finished and bound the wound up again, Missus Long sat back and I saw she was shaking all over. “Thank the Lord we don’t have to do that again for five days,” she said. She gave Noah a hug and went to see to the fire.

  I just sat there with Noah. After a while he seemed to sleep, so I got up, careful not to wake him, and went off to school.

  Went back after school. Noah is still sleeping. I’ll go back again tomorrow.

  But I can’t help thinking, what if Thomas is wounded bad like Noah and lying in some tent somewhere with no family to see to him?

  Oh, how I wish this war would end and he would come home!

  Thursday, Decemb
er 3rd, 1863

  Noah was sitting up and looked a bit better today. I sat with him until suppertime.

  Saturday, December 5th, 1863

  Noah is a bit better.

  Sunday, December 6th, 1863

  I said a little prayer for Noah at church today.

  Monday, December 7th, 1863

  I helped Missus Long change the dressing again today. Thank the good Lord the wound is healing well, although it still pained Noah something terrible while we were doing it.

  Tuesday, December 8th, 1863

  I took my reader over to Noah today. Thought it would do him good to get back to work. He was grateful, but he says he won’t go back to school. He won’t be going back to the lumber camp either, thank goodness, but he’s going to go out to the farm when his father and brothers come back in the spring.

  I can’t blame him. I know they’ll need him to work the land and do the planting, but it is a waste. He won’t be up and walking for a time, though, so I’ll make sure he doesn’t forget his letters. I know Missus Long is happy to have him back here with her for the winter. She told him about the new baby coming in the spring and he was glad about that. He’ll be a help to her this winter once he’s up and about.

  Wednesday, December 16th, 1863

  It’s my birthday today! When I came into the kitchen for breakfast, there was a wrapped parcel sitting on the table at my place. It was new boots! I admit I needed them, as my feet get powerful cold with the snow here. I gave Mama and Papa a big hug to thank them. I don’t know how they could afford them, but somehow they did. I thought of Mama wanting that sewing machine so much, and I’m very afraid she used the money she was saving up for it on those boots. When I started to ask, though, she just gave me another extra-special-hard hug.

  “Don’t you worry your mind about that,” she said. “You need boots, you’re going to have them.”

  Then Mama made us a stew with a rabbit that Papa trapped. It was so good! Mama told me to take some over to Missus Long and Noah, so I did after supper. Wearing my new boots.

  I do feel truly loved.

  Can’t help remembering one thing, though. On my birthdays when I was little, before she got sold off, Sarah used to scoop me up into her lap, wrap her arms around me, and sing a special birthday song just for me.

  There. Now I’ve made myself cry. I’ll stop this minute. It’s been a lovely day and I won’t spoil it.

  Going to say a special prayer for Sarah instead.

  Sunday, December 20th, 1863

  The most amazing thing. Amelia turned up at our church this morning. I couldn’t believe it when I saw her standing there at the back. She looked real shy, so I went and sat beside her. When I asked her whatever possessed her to do such a thing, she just said that she was sorry for what she said and she wanted to be friends again. She said I was never to home when she came over, and I wouldn’t talk to her at school, so she decided to come to our church. She just snuck over before their own church service.

  I guessed Missus Pearce would have a fit if she knew that Amelia had come to the coloured church and I asked her what she would do if her mother found out. She just raised her eyebrows like her mother does and said, “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it,” and we both burst out laughing. That’s one of Missus Pearce’s favourite sayings and Amelia sounded just like her.

  Father Miller looked hard at us and we managed to stop laughing, but we both had little smiles on our faces for the rest of the service. I wanted her to stay and meet Father Miller, but she didn’t dare. She just slipped out fast when the service ended.

  Who would have ever thought she would do such a thing? That was real brave on her part. The white folks would definitely not approve. I guess Amelia really is a good friend. I’m glad she is, and I don’t want to fight with her ever again, no matter what her mother says or does.

  Monday, December 21st, 1863

  School’s over until the new year and we’re getting ready for Christmas. Our first Christmas in Canada. Our first Christmas as free folk, not slaves!

  Tuesday, December 22nd, 1863

  Us children from the cabins helped Mister and Missus Frost with decorating their house. We cut pine branches and brought them back, and Missus Frost has them over the fireplace and all around the stairs. It looks real pretty. Then they brought in a huge pine tree. In Virginia, our Master and Missus Jackson used to decorate up the Big House at Christmas and have great parties, and they sent round leftover food from the Big House after Christmas Day, but there was never very much of it. Mister and Missus Frost are different. They invited all of us who are living in their cabins to come by on Christmas Eve after church. It will be really special.

  Wednesday, December 23rd, 1863

  It’s snowing again. More than before. I haven’t dared set toe outside the cabin, even with my new boots. The wind is howling and the snow is swirling around so bad I can’t see our outhouse. Guess we’ll use the buckets until this is over. I know I’m not going out in it.

  Thursday, December 24th, 1863

  Christmas Eve! The snow has stopped and the sun came out. The sky was so blue this morning I couldn’t believe it, and the snow was pure white and sparkling so much I couldn’t even look at it without squinting. Joseph, of course, was going crazy, wanting to get out and play in it, and some of the other children were hooting and hollering out there, throwing snow around at each other, so I bundled him up as best as I could and put just about all the clothes I own on me, and out we went. Mama has relented and let Boze sleep in the house because it’s so cold, so he came out, too. He tore around in a frenzy, biting snow and rolling and burying his whole face in it, then coming up snorting. I threw snowballs for him and he caught them in his teeth, then shook his head in surprise when the snow sprayed all over him. Then the children threw snow at me, and I threw snow back at them. I forgot my dignity completely and just played. It was fun.

  I left Joseph with his friends and made my way over to the Longs’. Noah was sitting by the window, just staring out.

  “Did you ever see the like of this?” I asked, but he just grinned at me.

  “Snows like this in Ohio every winter,” he said. “You’re just a soft little Southern gal.”

  I was about to get riled, then I saw he was only teasing me and I laughed, too. It was good to see him feeling so fine.

  We’re going to church tonight, then over to Mister and Missus Frost at Sheldon Place. I’m excited, but mixed in with that is a lot of sadness. I wonder where Thomas is. Not much celebrating on Christmas Eve when you’re fighting a war, I expect.

  Saturday, December 26th, 1863

  Well, we had a fine Christmas, in spite of our sadness. We went to church on Christmas Eve. There wasn’t a moon, and even though the stars were shining more bright than I’ve ever seen them, it was deep dark, and we had to carry a lantern with us. The snow crunched under our feet as we walked, and it was so cold it was fierce, but our little church was good and warm inside. Father Miller had the wood stove going and the church was packed with people. Christmas is such a family time, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about Thomas, and wondering where Sarah, Daniel and Caleb were. I prayed so hard that they might be having as good and safe a Christmas as we were, but I couldn’t make myself believe they were. Mama and Papa were so quiet, and their faces were so still, I knew they were thinking the same thing.

  After the service we walked through the snow up to Sheldon Place. The house was all lit up with candles in every window. Missus Frost invited us all right inside and gave us a cup of hot cider. There were white people and coloured folk all there together, everyone wishing everyone else a Happy Christmas. Gave me a warm glow inside. They had that big tree decorated up with every manner of trinket and decoration. Had candles burning on every branch. I held tight to Joseph so he couldn’t get near it, though. I could just see him knocking one of those candles off and setting the whole place on fire.

  Mama brought some of her fine cornbread as a prese
nt, and Missus Frost was pleased. She said she liked nothing better than cornbread and she was looking forward to enjoying it. Mama was happy about that. Before we left, a group of carollers came to the door. They sang so beautifully, I got tears in my eyes.

  Missus Frost sent home a chicken with every one of us families from their cabins. Mama boiled it up for our dinner tonight with dumplings. Just before it was ready, there was a knock at the door. It was Missus Long and Noah. Mama had invited them, but Missus Long wasn’t sure whether Noah would be able to make it or not. If he hadn’t, I would have taken some chicken and dumplings over to them, but there they were. Missus Long said the smell of our chicken cooking was so good that nothing could have kept Noah away. She brought a pudding like they used to make in Ohio. All full of plums and raisins. It was delicious. We had a feast!

  This has been the best Christmas I have ever had, but, oh, Thomas, I wonder where you are.

  1864

  January 1864

  Friday, January 1st, 1864

  A new year! I wonder what it will bring us. A new baby, I know that. Mama is busy sewing blankets and clothes for it and I’m helping, but I’m not very good at sewing. Things I make turn out lumpy.

  I wonder if it’s too much to hope for that the war in the United States ends and Thomas comes home safe. It probably is. I’m going to pray for it anyway. Daddy Hall says the news is not very good for the South. That gives me a little more hope about our Thomas.

  Monday, January 4th, 1864

  What a day! Amelia came over and invited me to go skating on the Mill Pond with her. At first I didn’t see how I could do it, but she just insisted. She had an extra pair of skates and brought them over for me. I told her I couldn’t skate, but she said that didn’t matter a bit. She was going to teach me. I admit I was doubtful, but Mama shooed me out of the house and told me to go and enjoy myself. I was helping her sew things for the baby and she had to fix up so many of my tangles and knots I think she was anxious to get shut of me for a while, so between Amelia and Mama I didn’t have much choice.